Being a parent, as most parents know.. is the most difficult, often thankless, yet most satisfying and rewarding jobs we can hold in our lives. Day in and day out, as a mom you wake up and all your focus goes to your children. If you’re anything like me, the kids are bathed, teeth are pearly white, outfits are super fresh and tummies are full before you even remember that you too might have to brush your teeth and possibly get some pants on.
It’s Wednesday and it’s past my due date. All day I was upset, anxious, just done with being out of breath, tired and
pregnant. I was ready to give birth. Throughout my entire pregnancy I had been practicing hypnobirthing (In short, it’s a method of meditation through labor). That night, I turned on a YouTube video to a meditation script so that I could relax and drift away. I learned and MASTERED the art of meditating. There was something so relaxing about letting go even for those 10 minutes or 15 minutes.
That night, I put on an “Anxiety” meditation script instead of the regular prenatal ones I was listening to. I told myself my son didn’t want to come into this world with the stressed out mother, so being the control freak that I am, I will relax – even if I have to force myself to relax.
This night, meditation was like never before. This was a brand-new script that I had never heard before. During this script – I was asked to take all of my stress and convert it into liquid form. I was to watch as it dripped down my body. I could imagine my entire body perspire with this sweat like anxiety, and it just began to formulate like tiny drops of rain until it was too heavy, and it began to slide down my body. I was to take all of that, put it into a box, and imagine me giving it to a higher being, in my case God.
I had a blue box.
I can remember like it was right in my face. I took that box and handed it over to “God” which at that moment just seemed like a figure made out of an irresistible light that I was attracted to like a fly at night. I just let my mind go. I did not control it. I did not want to. I was at peace. Every part of my body was completely relaxed, from my eyes, my cheeks, my shoulders, my hands, legs.. motionless. I layed still.. and I received a box back. Something happened there, I can’t explain it. I knew exactly what the box was, I know exactly what it did to and for me. When I woke up from meditating I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I fell asleep more peaceful than I had my entire pregnancy. It’s almost as if he handed me peace, and said “it’s time to rest my daughter”.
The following morning I woke up fully energized. We get up together and drop the kids off at school / day care and came back home to get ready to go out and run some last minute errands. My husband pulled out his car from the garage since my pregnant belly didn’t fit between the car in the wall so I waited for him right outside of the garage. As im walking out of the garage I’m talking out loud, saying “It’s such a beautiful day outside baby. It’s not cold, it’s perfect. The Sky is a perfect clear blue, and birds are chirping. Today’s a perfect day for you to come Kaleb I can’t wait to show you the world.”
As I go to get in the car, my husband looks at me and says who are you talking to?
And I looked at him, smiled and said Kaleb.
He gave me a side smirk like he does (probably thinking I was crazy). We went to the grocery store because I wanted to prep for after labor (Yes, 3 days passed my due date ya’ll), went to a few more stores. We went to Dunkin’ Donuts because mama wanted a blueberry donut. As we were leaving Dunkin’ Donuts I gave my husband sad puppy eyes and said “I just want to go home now”. We had one more stop, so he looked at me with a sympathetic look and said “Are you OK Tubby?”
I said “Yes, I just want to go home.”
So we make our rounds picking the kids up from school and day care and finally make it home, unloading the trunk from all of the groceries purchased throughout the day. Getting home felt like I was recharging my battery. All I wanted to do was get home when I was out, but the moment I got there I couldn’t sit down. I was in the kitchen all afternoon meal prepping for when the big day came.
“D” (my step sons mother) was sitting on the breakfast bar watching me and talking to me while I prepped. She looked at me when I turned around and commented on how horrible my pants looked in the crotch area, I smirked and reached around the PLANET sitting on my bladder- my eyes immediately opened.
I didn’t say a word, just a deer in headlights kind of a look.
D looks at me with the biggest smile on her face and says, “OMG YOUR WATER BROKE!!!”
I didn’t confirm nor deny – I simply went to the bathroom to make sure that I didn’t pee on myself. Let’s be honest, I’m three days past my due date and have pluto sitting on my bladder I wouldn’t put it past me.
When I got to the bathroom, sure enough – there was a bit more of a rush.
I called the midwife right away and let her know that my water broke, or I may very well have peed on myself. She assured me that it was my water and another midwife would be on her way. An hour later Erica was in my living room giving me an antibiotic I was required to take every four hours. I wasn’t having any contractions, I wasn’t feeling any discomfort. I was good.
When the Midwife checked how far along I was dilated, I was 4 cm. I was really good. Really, I was calm, chipper, not in any discomfort.
That’s when I had the great idea to start making a cake. Yes y’all! I started to bake a cake. After all, my son needed a birthday cake didn’t he? Either way, it’s taking my mind off of everything. (If you look close enough you’ll notice it’s 10:02PM at this point)
D ended up leaving with my stepson, and my mother-in-law picked up my daughter. I was determined to sleep through the night and have the baby in the morning. There was no way I was not sleeping through the night.
So my friend comes over, and start giving me a foot massage, and taking pictures. Let me stop and say that she is a beast. Follow her on IG. “Curlsandmuscles” Shortly after I gave birth, she went on a fitness journey, and only four months later she’s already in shape to compete. She is a superhuman.
She spent a couple of hours with me, laughing, massaging, taking pictures.. just unwinding until I was tired and said it’s about time I went to sleep. Around midnight.
I receive a call from my Midwife who said she’s on her way to give me the anabiotics and check to see my progress. At that point, I don’t think I’m very much past 5 cm. Slow progress, but progress. Still, I don’t have any contractions to indicate that I am in active labor. Yes, I am feeling something at this point, but I wouldn’t call it contractions. Pressure maybe? I wrote it all off. The Midwife leaves because she had somewhere to be for the day. The other Midwife will come when I call and tell her my contractions are seven minutes apart lasting a minute for one hour “711”.
I start getting contractions while I’m finishing breakfast. Rafael is timing them as I say “start-stop”. I’m not sure what time it is, assuming at least 20 minutes have passed at this point. I ask him how far apart they are, and he looks at me and says between one and three minutes.
What happened to seven minutes apart? What happened to five minutes apart? No? We’re not doing that today? OK.
I call the midwife in my typical super calm voice and say, I know you said to call when they are seven minutes apart but I’m pretty sure I’m having a baby soon, someone should head over.
20 minutes later my midwife arrives and checks to see how far along I have dilated. 8 cm.
I am still very chipper, I’m still walking around, but now I’m taking time to breathe when the surges come. Then I get to a point where I can’t differentiate when one is stopping and the other is starting. I don’t know if the contractions are coming or going, this happened so fast.
One minute I am giddy, having a full-blown conversation. The second I am mute. Not a word was coming out of my mouth, I wasn’t in a bad mood. I was focused. I’m having a baby, its all me now.
I kept telling myself:
I am powerful.
I can do anything for one minute (surges).
I was born for this, my baby is healthy. My baby is strong.
I didn’t want to stop moving though.
I was on the sofa.
I was on all four.
I was on all four, holding the birthing ball.
I was Standing.
I was kneeling on the floor holding onto my bed.
I was sitting on my toilet holding onto my mother-in-law who came in – and must have seen a look of desperation on my face, because she held me so tight almost telling me that everything was going to be OK without uttering a word.
I got in the tub, and began to push. I’m ready. This baby is coming.
I’m in the water, and remember I told you guys I was practicing hypnobirthing?! Well I began to meditate, I went to my happy place. I’ve done it so many times in the past that I got there fast. I was in the Dominican Republic on a hammock on the beach by the water. The sky was blue, the water was blue, the atmosphere just felt blue. A peaceful blue. I was so relaxed until I felt the strongest surge. I felt my body shake as I think to myself OMG I have to get off this hammock before I fall. Yes y’all, that happened.
I get out of the tub, and head over to the bed where I make a stop at the foot of the bed to let yet another surge pass by. When I get to the bed, the midwife already had it set it up for me. Pillows propped behind my back, hubby right at my side, and I’m pushing. With every surge I push, and hold. I swear this entire time my eyes are closed, I seem like I have it together.
I kept telling myself I am powerful. I can do anything for one minute (surges). I was born for this, my baby is healthy. My baby is strong. The stronger the surges, the closer I am to meeting him. My boy.
After 15 minutes of pushing ( yes!! *puffs chest) Rafael catches our baby boy and puts him on my chest. (Then runs to the bathroom to wash his hands)
I guess this is the point where I say he’s the most beautiful perfect little being ive ever seen in my whole life.
He was funny looking. SUPER chubby and swollen big lips, nose with puffy eyes.
A WHOPPING 9.37 lbs delivered at home. I did that. *please pass me the trophy I will hold over my head each time I’m asked*
Kaleb was born on Feb. 19th, just 4 days passed his estimated delivery date. I am so in love with him in each and every way. I have created such a special bond with my baby boy. I have also accomplished something not many people can say in their lifetime nowadays.
I gave birth. At home. All me.
If you are pregnant, REALLY consider having a home birth. Do your research, know yourself but most of all – Trust your body. God made us women to be AMAZING creatures capable of so much.
Ahh Babies! Just the thought of babies brings people to a very happy place. In fact, you can’t even say “baby” and not smile. Who doesn’t love those big eyes, soft skin, the way babies suck their lips in their sleep as if they’re nursing or the warm fuzzy feeling you get inside when a baby makes eye contact and smiles at you. Don’t deny it- you get fuzzy. *Me? You think I’m cool! Well yes tiny human I agree! *puffs chest. Babies just smell of fresh linen soft clouds and oxytocin. So tiny and new to endless possibilities.
… and someone had to bring them into this world. Emotions shift for most people at this point.